Home, alone

You shouldn’t feel lonely in church

But I do.

There, I said it.

What you can’t say

shouldn’t say

surrounded by all the smiles

of shiny white clean

wealthy Clapham teeth

how can you be alone?

With those who have tried

to strike up winsome conversation

and bring you into the fold?

I want to say

I’m sorry

I’m sure it’s not just them

but is it really just me?

Do I exude my mood

does my desperation for you

occlude

the truth that at times, I am

confident and competent and really,

truly content with who I am

and how life goes.

I believe –

no, I know

that I am more than I appear here

more than my awkward

pauses and that all this

shall pass in time

but it still breaks my heart

that in the one place

I should call home

today I feel like a stranger.

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