The Beverage Testament

In which I try to find a metaphor for Jesus more relevant to urban dwellers than ‘shepherd’. Inspired by @Unvirtuousabbey on Twitter.


The Java Psalm (Psalm 23)

The Lord is my barista; I lack nothing.

He lets me sit down in comfy armchairs,

he leads me to quiet corners,

he refills my cup.

He guides me into the right beverage choices

for his reputation’s sake.

Even though I walk into the busiest coffee shop,
I will fear no hassle,
for you are my barista today;
your apron and your name badge they reassure me.

You prepare a mocha before me
in the presence of an impatient queue.
You anoint my coffee with syrup;
my cup is grande not tall.

Surely your kindness and customer service skills will bless me

all the days of my life,

and I will frequent this coffee house forever.


The Good Bar manager of the Shepherd’s Tavern (John 10)

Jesus said… “I am the good bar manager. The good bar manager goes the extra mile for their customers. The agency bar worker is not the bar manager and does not have loyalty to the customers. So when s/he sees the competition starting to steal the customers, s/he does nothing, and the customers are scattered. S/he cares nothing for the customers so does not give them excellent, personal customer service.

I am the good bar manager. I know my regulars and my regulars know me – just as the Landlord knows me and I know the Landlord – and I give my all to serve my customers. I have other customers that are not of this pub. I must make them regulars also. They too will listen and get to know me, and there shall be one group of customers and one bar manager.”


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